What I Feel Though Noone Cares

So, i started this "draft" about 2 or 3 weeks ago..3 i think. below is what i thought about writing about. the one directly below i wrote 3 weeks ago.

Every guy needs that one girl, that he understands, that understands him, the one that comforts him, and he comforts her,

^forget that...anyway...a week ago i was going to blog about Cho Seung Hui. type that name in google...and also about suicide victims, the how, the why, and why they aren't crazy or stupid.

then about 4 days ago was like nah, i'll blog about friendships, but yesterday, that speaker at chapel talked about it and had all my points except 1: Pity does not = friendship, even though alotta ppl pity ppl then become their friends...had a few experiences of that myself...but pity not = friendship...now...

i'll rant about FIRST...then...perhaps some other non sequitor random thoughts.. here we go, put on ur seat belts..

disclaimer: this is in no way to be offensive to first members/friends in first/especially not you melissa =P....i'll just state a few facts/opinions...okay...wel...even though i say no offense its hard not be offended sometimes, dont take a rant too seriusly =]
FIRST really changes some people...ppl yell at ppl more...less friendly..as if we could get 2nd to last...facts facts facts rude? letdown? its fact...yes we hav 6000 or so bucks, but seriously we're like 10 weeks behind 99.99% the other teams...ever since we started, so since we dont really win and we really fail, dont take it so...hard...i mean yeah sure be serious about it but dont get all pissed over nothing...like...nvm...ppl kno who takes it too seriously...anyway..moving on...

FIRST: F...I....Robot(?)...S....T...forgot what they stand for anyyyyyyways..
ok...so i may be a newb/rookie/noob/n00b....w/e (noob: name commonly used by computer nerds in the computer world used for putting down others in order to compensate for their smallness in life) thanks to A.Chow/Alex Chow(great(*donkey*) artist) for the definition (tytytyty bro, and alex, u shud put that def. back in ur buddy info!)

and yes all grunt jobs goto...rookies...but that tradition should be broken geez if u give all that stuff to the new ppl, what if they quit cuz they have exactly zero amount of fun? guess people never thnk about it and just accept it ...

thats not what i hate most...what i hate most is the fact that the people i hafta answer to...(perhaps 88% of them...) are err... smart people with no life...computer nerds (as Achow puts it, and no NOT geeks, geeks refer to smart ppl with a life...i.e.well..me..yes im a geek...)
or ppl that are the same as me (elton? seriously now?!?!?!? he tells me wat to do? seriously...)
or ppl that are less mature than i am (jeffrey...*yells in frustration...little kid...acts like i did in 8th grade...like exactly like me, likes to mess around with people and acts mature about 15% of the time) and this is the guy that keeps sayin "haha i hafta watch you! i hafta watch you!" (immature retard...) *cough *cough i didnt say that -.- whatever its a blog...
also lets get some definitions eh? Geek: smart with a social life, Nerd: smart with no social life, Dork: stupid no life, Normal: not the smartest, has a life, popular: usually stupid with a life.
(how melissa made social butterfly in yearbook while being smart ceases to amaze me haha jk jk =P)
geez...its hard to let out anger in text...perhaps i should youtube vid...humph...you all hav no idea how mad i get when ppl like...*cough huh? *cough (may choose to edit and post names later..) boss me around like they all that... okay so you joined FIRST 1 or 2 years earlier...experience? yeah yeah whatever....
gosh this rant isnt expressing what im trying to express...perhaps i really should have done a Cho Seung Hui blog first...(if ur too lazy its V.Tech killer, no he wasnt crazy, no he wasnt stupid, now stop criticizing him, he was psychologically correct in all his thinkings except the fact that he thought he was dying like Jesus/ and the fact that he used a weapon to show it, he was actuallly a nice guy...) if you're stubborn and still think he's crazy/stupid/etc. then think im crazy whatever...i hav similar views on the world but no i wont do what he did...im almost completely harmless...
if people talked to him, helped him, asked how he felt just once...he'd still be alive...
(hello? hint hint...)
oh yeah, i did a half hour job in 10 min...bah nvm like anyone cares...i dont even care about that anymore..not worth ranting about...
ok..i'll edit this post later..if i hav anymore ideas about FIRST

Anyway, i included some tags/labels and if anyone wants to have a deep conversation about life/death/suicide (i seriously do understand)/etc. i will be here, my public AIM is shouter123 and im on half the day (12 hrs ish on weekdends) and private AIM is IczyG 999,
my email is simrayho@yahoo.com (no spam please...dont be immature like jeffrey/albert (kid at school thats only mature half the time)

and if you wanna help me out? (i need some help in life, its a "valley" right now...my grades suck more than usual, i doubt the girl i like even likes me the slightest bit anymore, my parents for some reason get stricter as i get older...-.- and much more...)
im always free to talk at school, if you're a friend that goes to ccs (my school.).

"how can you be broken if you were never whole?"

h-huhhum...if you're in a downhill curve in life, media(songs and such) help ease the pain but dont always trust the words/lyrics...
like this one song: (good charlotte: break apart her heart) it basically said this: if you wanna keep the girl for life, break her heart first and though i can see how that can "work" that sucks if u hafta hurt her to keep her...

anyway its almost 10pm, cant think too much now, yeah well cya readers around.
contact me sometime =]
it may or may not seem like it, and most people say this and cant back it up, but i'll say this:
"i understand more about things than most people do" i.e. life/time-space(i find it really interesting) and even relationships (parent?)(girl/guy?)(friends?) though my own relationships arent the best, i do understand, so yeah ppl come talk to me!
gl gt gj gg
good luck, good try, good job, good gam3.

Fish in the Sea Yada Yada Yada

WARNING!!!!! not really but anyway, this blog is gonna be really long...but i promise you...you will get something out of it and you will find it interesting...thats a PROMISE..so yeah read the whole thing..shouldnt take u 5 minutes...took me like 30 min to type this up lol

so me, me me me me me...
well...i used to be somewhat conceited though it was mostly jokingly lol.
i tend to come off as a bit immature, yes a bit, but in reality...im really not...now you're looking for a "PSYCH!" but no really...i just talk alot...and that can be seen in alot of ways and yes im trying to stop talkin so much, and yeah i know i can be slightly annoying at times ( one of the reasons i "suck" im sure...)
well heres my err..greatest..flaw? yeah well here it is, and quite unknown to well everyone actually: fact is, i overanalyze what people say to me...heres an example: if i say hi/hey/wtsup/etc. to especially a girl (><), and she says hi back...i will completely "analyze" how she said it, her tone of voice, any motions that signal how she feels at the moment, and yeah its sorta weird >.< wrong ="[...but">.<
seriously though...im not that bad of a guy am i? i mean im always trying to be that caring, compassionate, guy that is also a good listener, ya kno, "perfect guy" cept for tall dark and handsome....lol...anway..
so lets leave this with a few cool questions/quotes that i thought up either in some class or at 10pm at night in my bed:
1. got hope? (seriously think about that)

2. Love is the sworn enemy of the heart.

3. There is no absolute truth except the one just stated. (this isnt true i know it, i just put this here cuz people keep using that stupid 12 year old comeback: how bout the one u just said?)

4. (in no way does this apply to me as im not emo lol) in Kanye West's song: Stronger, he says "that that dont kill me, can only make me stronger" now...what if it does kill you? like you know..inside...again this dont apply to me..just a cool thing to think about lol

5. If you had one "do-over-free" card, what would you do? seriously would you do anything? cuz you know..without that one "bad" thing...you might not be where you are today, or feel the way you feel today...i thought about it, and seriously, i'd say no thanks

6. What's the biggest mistake you've ever made? What did you learn from it?

7. Profound things dont come to you when you try to be profound, they come to you when you least expect it, i.e. when you're doing nothing/just sitting around/doing homework...its true, just take 10 minutes right now and try your best and try to think up something profound/deep...bet you cant...it doesnt come like that =]

8. Life is like a train (the old kind ya kno the ones that run on coal)..in 2 ways:
You get on (birth) and you ride through life, cant escape from it until you get off, and all you can really do is make the best out of the scenery, and when you get to your stop, you get off and step into Heaven.
You get on the train and you may be sitting in coach or maybe your sitting in economy..throughout the ride, you move through the train, sometimes stepping into rooms worst than yours like the place they keep all the coal to move the train, or sometimes you step into a cool room way more luxorious than yours. Getting off means the same thing.
Thing is, life has its ups and downs and all we can really do is make the best of it...
i like the 2nd one more cuz i know i feel more like im in a worse place than i started all the time...

9. There are many more fish in the sea...does anyone but me see that comment as a bit stupid? why? cuz...lets say ur fishing...u want to catch lets say...a big giant catfish to bring home to your family..but guess what, all u catch is 20 goldfish, 1 guppie, and 2 anchovies, hey look u didnt just catch 1 fish! u caught 23!!! can u feed ur family? no! does it mean anything? probably not!..so who cares how many fish (girls)..are out there...it doesnt mean anything except for that one (in a trillion..) that would really like you(me)(whoever) back..thats really kind, beautiful, blah blah you know...and however many other "fish" there are in the sea...could be infinite..wont matter...NoTe: in no way am i comparing girls to fish. haha lol =]

anyway yeah i know this is really really long, but comments!!!
hey yea i hav anonymous comments enabled, so if you comment, be so kind to leave ur name if u dont want to sign on ur blog/ or ur just some stranger/ or ur a friend who dont hav a blog =]